It's been a while since I've written, but it's been due to the fact I've been up to a lot instead of having nothing to say!!!

I'm almost done with my 'holy crap' list from almost two weeks ago. I've got 2 competitions left and 2 recitals. Ok, so I'm half done. I'll keep you posted with the audition results--I have no idea what they might be, and what I'll do with them once I hear back. We'll have to see.

So, since I last wrote, I spent an amazing amount of time working on another American Song analysis paper, this time on George Gershwin. These papers take forever, and although the class material is really fun and enjoyable, the out of class work with add up to dozens and dozens of hours of work, if not more than 100 hours. Ok, those of you reading this that aren't music students, I can understand if this doesn't look like a lot of time. However, when you're knee deep in music to practice, memorize, and perform, it's plenty. Anyhow, Anna Jacobs and I present the next class paper on Kern, sometime within 2 weeks. Eek.

Recently I've been having wonderful musical experiences:

1) Sitting in Song lit class, listening to and following with a song that Dr. Penhorwood wrote for his wife. The text was provided by a friend who wrote a beautiful poem representing how he viewed the couple, Dr. P wrote the music, and then he and his wife performed it together. The dedication was "To us, Connie and Ed". It was really touching, and I felt so strongly about how it would be one of the best gifts/best moments to share.

2) Watching a concert on feb. 14th of cuban music. The concert itself was fine, but one of the duets worked particularly well. Both performers looked completely relaxed, and yet they were full-out singing, acting, holding each other, dancing, etc. This made me feel as though I was watching a snippet of someone's personal life, just underscored with music, which is often how I feel.

3) Ryan's recital. There were so many great people involved, and I was reminded of how many aquaintances I have that I would like to get to know better. I was really proud of how everything turned out for Ryan, and really enjoyed the whole concert. When he played the piano for his piece (what I could see from the balcony) I really felt as though it represented an important part of who he is, and just watching him play, as though nobody was watching, was fantastic. I could close my eyes during some of the other pieces and just try to feel the music swirling around me, and then watched as the performers played together, making all this wonderful sound---and it's all just part of their normal daily routine.

So, these 3 experiences this past week really made me feel so lucky to be in this career path. What we all do is so amazing--and day after day we practice and interact with each other, creating an emotional catalyst from something that perhaps has not had its voice just yet. Of simply had a different voice before. And the act of creating something from a blank slate, a composer starting with one idea, and giving it life...I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I felt so compelled to try to say it. Thank you, my dear precious composer friends for giving us such a wonderful gift.

That said, I must get ready for my competition this morning! Later today we have the next to last rehearsal for the Dave's song cycle. The more we rehearse, the more I enjoy it, and I really hope that we do it justice on the concert Sunday. (4pm, Auer Hall!)

Have a wonderful weekend! -L.

Say Goodbye to the Easy Life

Yes, free time will be leaving me soon, and won't come back for months. Suddenly I feel attacked on all sides by auditions and concerts and projects, and I just want a day off. Funny, because I just had a nice long weekend. I went to 2 fun parties, and shocked a lot of singers by being my crazy self and dancing and being fun (I guess I've been very quiet recently). Plus I ditched out on the idea of superbowl and managed to take a great bubble bath and start reading a fun and pointless book. I think if I can just collect myself every Sunday evening amidst warm scented bubbles, all might be well. Then again, it's tuesday and I'm panicking.

In true Laura form, I'd like to make a list of things going on within a month of today:

Bain scholarship competition (tomorrow)
CVE concert (tomorrow)
Brevard Audition (Saturday)
Ryan's recital (next wednesday)
Opera North Audition (next Friday)
Arts and Letters competition (next Saturday)
Dave's recital (next Sunday)
The start of Carmen rehearsals (2/27)
Tony's recital (3/1)
Indianapolis Matinee Musicale competition (3/4)

HOLY CRAP. Yeah. I'm a bit worried, particularly because it's really hard to prioritize music in my practicing. I mean, I've pretty much got to stop thinking about my own recital rep until at least the end of Feb, and these competitions and auditions mean I've got to keep up old pieces and really try to make my main arias fresh and exciting (because so far they haven't gotten me anywhere). Alas.

I know that I am just worried because it looks like there are so many things to do, and once a few of them are over, things should be ok. Perhaps I just went a little overboard on the commiting myself. I mean, I hope I don't have to be committed soon, if you know what I mean.

I should balance out and list some good things I've been noticing recently:

-I've got myself more organized for better voice lessons/practicing
-I think I'm making good vocal improvement at a good rate
-seems like the composition teachers like my voice (I've had silly 2 measure solos in Sandstrom and now Dzubay, and both professors were crazily nice to me...I mean, I figure the 2 measures don't even need to garner a smile, much less a compliment or a thank you)---I'm dreaming perhaps that if I'm stuck here over the summer, my performances in Ryan, Dave, and Tony's recitals (plus these little silly 2 measure things) will get me attention in the composer professors circle, and maybe I'll be asked to record something important for them...haha. One can dream :)
-I have discovered deep water exercise at the gym, and absolutely love it. LOVE IT!
-I'm not stressing about that guy anymore. If it's not going to happen, it's ok! Something will work out one of these days. Until then, there are many important things to think/dream about.
-I've been cooking good meals recently
-I've got a fantastic accompanist who is playing for all of these crazy competitions/auditions. She is just unbelievable. I am so happy that we're back together. I couldn't do any of this without her support.

Well, I'm off to rehearsal. That list made me feel pretty good. And, if this singing thing doesn't work out in the end, I've decided I should become a professional organizer. I mean, I make a mean list, and dream of having lots of money to be able to raid places like staples and buy all kinds of organizing tools...

This week's thoughts

How wonderful it was to spend time with Sliker, laughing and talking (and eating lots). Definitely had a great time. It also reminded me about the fun we had as RAs that last year, and how post-college, relationships you form are so much different. We had so many crazy times then, running around the building, being able to reach each other in just a minute or two.

I think that I haven't been continuing with last semester's goal of socializing more. In fact, I think I've been pretty antisocial. Almost everyone I see says that they haven't seen anyone else either, but that's can't be completely true for everyone, can it? Recently, I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, and it's this vicious cycle of feeling like I'm not mixing well with other people, and then I don't mix with them, and then they don't talk to me, and then I feel like I don't fit in. It goes round and round, and I don't know at exactly which of those steps it started.

I surprised myself this week (well, sorta) by notating this on my American art song listening assignment: "This repertoire is truly my delight, and part of me would be completely happy focusing my career on exploring American art song. The nature of American song to be comfortable talking about the daily things and silly things, as well as somber things, makes it so much more enjoyable. It does not always require a gorgeous sound, but a true personality, and the performers we have been listening to (William Sharp, Thomas Hamspon, and Mary Ann Hart, in particular) stir my insides to no end."

Thus said, I love American music because it's not always so serious. Sometimes I listen to jazz "standards" and dream of having that much fun and relatively little worry about performing (not that I'm saying that's the case, but they always sound so chill). I love opera, yet it is soo hard that we often lose sight of the joy in it.

Alas, Thursday attacks. Ciao~